No Time This Week

Loinfruit and I have been working on my deck all day and I have to get up early tomorrow, Sunday to drive to Newark Airport in New Jersey to pick up the Editor. Maybe if your’re in Norway you remember the Editor. Pyton Magazine? Ring a bell? Yes, he’s just as nutz now as he was back then. So this week all I have for you is this story from 1993. Who’s Ernie 93-03-15 Ernie 93-03-16 Ernie 93-03-17 Ernie 93-03-18 Ernie 93-03-19 Ernie 93-03-20 Ernie 93-03-22 Ernie 93-03-23

 

June Cleaver was a very wholesome mother from a 1950s tv program, “Leave it to Beaver” She and her husband, Ward Cleaver had two sons, Wally about 13 years old, and Theodore about 8, who was called the Beaver. One time June was told Ward “Ward, you were very hard on the Beaver last night.” If you don’t understand what’s so funny about it, email me, and I’ll send you the answer in a brown paper envelope.Ernie 93-03-24 Ernie 93-03-25 Ernie 93-03-26 Ernie 93-03-27the bigger rat? Sid or Enos?

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Big Week, Folks!

All I did was work. Oh, I drew a little bit, but that ain’t work. That’s fun. Thank God Loinfruit came over and helped me move my old shed. What a nightmare. We had to push it uphill.I have a new, bigger shed coming tomorrow, Monday, and I had to get the old one out of there. We moved it to my driveway. Here’s Loinfruit busting his poor emaciated buns. And I do mean buns.IMG_5765IMG_5769

 

The new shed goes where the old shed was, and the old shed, which is 5 by 10 goes on the side of the driveway. IMG_5772

Laying the foundation, this is what 3 tons of crushed rock looks like.

 

 

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I finally finished the foundation today.

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In Trappe, Maryland there is an old used bookstore called the Unicorn. I love to go there. I took Loinfruit, who is not as illiterate as you might think.

IMG_5777IMG_5776I did manage to do some drawing this past week. I drew Saturday and a little Sunday. I like it. Arnold makes another appearance as Arnold the Geek. It was back in 1989 he first put on the the tights. But wait for it. I have a few surprises. Here he is way back when…

I was worried about this first on freaking the old ladies out. This is how I originally drew it:Ernie 89-11-13o

I changed the dialog a tiny bit for the papers. It turned out it was a good idea. It led to more gags. Here is the replacement.

Ernie 89-11-13pErnie 89-11-14

The reference to Errol Flynn had to do with his autobiography. I think that I recall that when he was a teenager his job was castrating sheep. I could be wrong.

Ernie 89-11-15 Ernie 89-11-16For those of you who aren’t familiar with Siskel and Ebert, they were popular movie critics at the time. Ernie 89-11-17p

Ernie 89-11-18oSee you next week.

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A Day on the Bay

By the way, this is what happens when you get a jellyfish down your pants. (Portions of the photograph have been edited in the interest of good taste)

Jellyfish

But at least I finished my dock.  Before:IMG_5735

After:IMG_5736

Now I have to move my shed. What a pain this is turning out to be. It was set on posts in the ground, so I had to cut them off.  It was really tough. I had to get jacks under it. I was doing great until it fell off the jacks. Guess what I’m going to be doing all day tomorrow.

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Enough of my troubles. Back in 2008 the Porks went on a romantic second honeymoon in a little cabin in the Poconos…Ernie 08-11-17 Ernie 08-11-18 Ernie 08-11-19 Ernie 08-11-20 Ernie 08-11-21

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WHAT A SPECTACULAR FOURTH OF JULY!

My neighbor found an old box of fireworks in his mom’s barn. God knows how old they were. But what a spectacular display. Wow. This is about as exciting as my life gets these days. Check it out. And what was the crowd on the next dock over doing? Party Time!

Last week I worked on my deck. I am a master craftsman. It was tough because it rained constantly. The water table was so high I couldn’t plant my posts. IMG_3348Here it is now…IMG_5730 IMG_5731I also put in a little herb garden. Mint, basil, tarragon and parsley..IMG_3349

The last two days I’ve been repairing the cap of my bulkhead. After that I’ll fix my dock. Maybe I’ll have time to draw some comics if I give up sleeping. Here’s some of the lumber. The dirt is to fill in the ruts from the forklift that delivered the the wood. The ground was saturated and the ruts were quite deep.IMG_5732Enough of that.

Tom from Richmond suggested that They offer a new menu item at Mr. Squid. A squid smoothie. Tom and I are on the same wavelength. Here’s a story from 1992…Ernie 92-02-17 Ernie 92-02-18 Ernie 92-02-19 Ernie 92-02-20 Ernie 92-02-21 Ernie 92-02-22

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Not much this week.

All I did was work. Worked on my bulkhead, tore up the old caps.  Tomorrow I’ll order planks to replace them as well as the decking on my dock. I also have to order new boards for my deck. I’m making it bigger. I would have gotten more done, but we’ve had so much rain that thew water table is only about six inched down, so I can’t place my posts. The cement won’t cure.IMG_5717I also made a little herb garden down by the water…IMG_5718My sister sent me this photo of her foot. Her little friends there bring back memories for me.

0622151805bWhen I was a kid down on the island, raccoons were our constant companions. I had several pet raccoons. My last one, named Coonie, slept with me until she matured and went back into the jungle. But every year she would come and visit me with her babies, and we would play together just like when. I loved her to death.MeandCoonie 5-56

A month or two ago I drew another Stinky Stinkbug story. Here’s a link to my stinky movie.

And here’s Stinky’s first appearance in 2010…Ernie 10-03-01 Ernie 10-03-02 Ernie 10-03-03 Ernie 10-03-04 Ernie 10-03-05 Ernie 10-03-06

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Back From THe Sunshine State

And how. The temperature for several days in a row in Orlando was 97 F. I’ve changed my mind about retiring to Florida. Loinfruit, who is a graduate student in urban planning, says it doesn’t matter. The State of Florida will be under water in 50 years. We were in my old home town, Bradenton, Florida – I grew up on Anna Maria Island- for a couple days and then to Orlando to see my father-in-law. 94 years old. Here we are with family and friends on my cousin Al’s boat, the Blew-By-You. Al has been taking family out on the weekends ever since was a kid. Here we are at the Pass between Anna Maria Island and Longboat Key. It’s a very popular spot for weekend boaters. That’s me with the dog. I don’t know the guy in front. He just showed up.NCM_0020

Loinfruit and I (Frau Grace went to Texas to visit her sister) drove straight through the 900 miles from Orlando to Washington DC in 12 and a half hours. I only drove through South Carolina, 200 miles. He drove the rest of the way. That’s what kids are for. Here’s the nuclear power plant just outside of Jacksonville. Way back when I had my last real job I was the State of Florida’s guy for policy on nuclear waste disposal. There’s no easy way out.IMG_5711

Here’s Loinfruit in his subterranian digs. I slept over when we got back Thursday evening.

IMG_5713Enough of that. I had a request from Roscoe to post an old story line about the worlds hardest question. It took a while to find it. The original story is from 1995. I had some filler material between some of the strips which I’m not publishing. The reason I did it was to give readers a little surprise when they got to the Clinton strip. Then in 2006 I brought back the world’s hardest question. Here are both stories. Remember, if there is a certain story or single strip that you would like to see again, email me and I’ll do my best to find it.

Ernie 95-09-14 Ernie 95-09-15 Ernie 95-09-16 Ernie 95-09-18 Ernie 95-09-19 Ernie 95-09-20 Ernie 95-09-21 Ernie 95-09-22 Ernie 95-09-23 Ernie 95-09-27 Ernie 95-10-06

And here are the strips from 2006

Ernie 06-07-17 Ernie 06-07-18 Ernie 06-07-19 Ernie 06-07-20 Ernie 06-07-21 Ernie 06-07-22 Ernie 06-07-24 Ernie 06-07-25 Ernie 06-07-26 Ernie 06-07-27 Ernie 06-07-28 Ernie 06-07-29

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Down to Florida

It was a long trip. If you have ever done it I-95 from the Northeast to Florida ain’t much fun. The Frau and I drove down the Coast on Highway 17 from St Michaels Maryland to Florida. It took longer, but it’s much better for your mental stability. Spent the first night in Myrtle beach South Carolina. Myrtle Beach is a summer vacation city for people who live in the Mid Atlantic states:

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The boardwalk is more of a cement walk:IMG_5605

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The bridge in Charleston South Carolina is the prettiest I’ve ever seen:

IMG_5646The last vacation I had was in 1994. Mert Nertman filed in for me…Ernie 94-01-03 Ernie 94-01-04 Ernie 94-01-05 Ernie 94-01-06 Ernie 94-01-07 Ernie 94-01-08 Ernie 94-01-10 Ernie 94-01-11 Ernie 94-01-12 Ernie 94-01-13 Ernie 94-01-14 Ernie 94-01-15

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Adios

This Thursday we’re off to Florida to visit the old folks at Home. Frau Grace’s Dad is 94. We’ll drive down there along the seaboard, across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge tunnel, and then down through Virginia and North Carolina. From here it’s about 900 milles to Orlando, our first stop.

In the meantime, check this out – my son, Loinfruit, came over and we repaired the final portion of my bulkhead. The problem was that there was no access to the outside because of my neighbor’s riprap shoreline. If you don’t know, riprap is rocks piled along the shore. I worked Loinfruit’s butt off.IMG_5574_2 IMG_5572_2

Job well done, Loinfruit! See my beautiful boat just behind Lf? Today we took her out for a little shakedown. I named it Piraya. I should have named it Pariah. It’s a piece of excrement. Here are a couple nice boats out of St Michaels we passed. The first is a restored skipjack out of the St Michaels Maritime Museum. (If you are ever in St Michaels, which happens to be the top destination on the Eastern Shore of the Chesapeake, be sure to stop in.) You should read about the skipjacks. The State of Maryland only allows dredging for oysters while under sail. There are only a handful of skipjacks left. They are all over a hundred years old. I don’t know if any are still dredging commercially. The one here evidently takes tourists for rides out of the museum. Too bad it wasn’t under sail. There is another on Tillman Island which takes people out to the oyster beds and lets them dredge.

IMG_5589The second is a beautiful catboat. From Wikepedia: A catboat, or a cat-rigged sailboat, is a sailing vessel characterized by a single mast carried well forward. Generally a catboat has a light and shallow draft hull, wide beam approximately half its length, is gaff riged, and carries a centreboard. Both boats, of course, are handmade and wooden. IMG_5577

Speaking of boats, in 1998 Ernie took Doris on a cruise…

Ernie 98-06-01 Ernie 98-06-02 Ernie 98-06-03 Ernie 98-06-04 Ernie 98-06-05 Ernie 98-06-06 Ernie 98-06-08 Ernie 98-06-09 Ernie 98-06-10 Ernie 98-06-11 Ernie 98-06-12 Ernie 98-06-13

 

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We done moved

Our little old shack on the Chesapeake is stacked floor to ceiling with junk. Frau Grace’s concept of downsizing is moving all your crap into a smaller house. But at least we’ve moved. I get here to find out that my IMac is all messed up . I have to take it to Annapolis tomorrow to the Apple store. But guess what we had for dinner last night…

ELK BURGERS!

Yes, folks the supermarket now sells elk. For those in Scandinavia, this is not a moose. They call mooses elks in Scandinavia. An elk is the second largest member of the deer family. If you have never seen an elk, here’s what they look like:IMG_5558I haven’t been able for the past two weeks. I’m going nutz. I won’t be able to draw tomorrow either.  I’m in withdrawal. Here’s a page from the Ernie comic book from 2011. I know most of my male readers have a hard time meeting attractive members of the opposite sex. I’m here to help:

I’ve been thinking. Every time I’ve written this column lately, it seems that all I talk about is myself. And I’ve been doing some thinking and some soul-searching. Is this what life and all about? ME?! Well actually it is, but occasionally I should take some time and consider you. Yes, you, the fine people who read my comics. Of course, about half of you can’t really read. What you do is look at the pictures and turn the pages. But even so, you all deserve my attention. Now I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not good at giving advice to my female readers (or picture lookers, as the case may be). I happen to be married to one of your kind, and over the years I’ve learned that it’s best not to even attempt to tell a woman, any woman, what to do. I have several permanent lumps on the back of my parietal bone which attest to that fact. But I can be of service to my male readers. (At least to the ones who can read. If you can’t read, you’re not reading this, so it doesn’t matter, does it? Maybe if you can read you could help some half-wit, say your brother-in-law, by reading this to him.)

Now, it must be obvious to you, that you, assuming that you’re a single male, are a total loser. Because if you weren’t a loser, you wouldn’t be sitting there reading this comic book. You’d be out at a bar, or the mall, or the duck pond, or some other place picking up chicks. Remember, you have one thing going for you that married men lack. You don’t have any lumps on your cranial bones. That comes later assuming you’re smart and you take my advice. To make it easy for you I’ve written down some basic rules which will make that special gal melt in your arms.

A. Personal hygiene: Here is a simple checklist that you should go over before you leave your house on your hunt for a female companion.
1. Women are not attracted to stinky men who never bathe. As absurd as this concept might seem, it is an irreversible fact. Go figure. Wash your size twelves and your armpits. These are your primary stink organs.
2. Check your teeth for spinach. Women don’t like to kiss a man who has spinach or cabbage or stuff like that stuck between his teeth. And this is really for your own good as well. Nothing can destroy a romantic moment as quickly as when she sucks in a hunk of spinach and gags in your mouth as you softly press your lips to hers. (If she gags while you’re trying to lick her tonsils, that’s ok)
3. Make sure you blow your nose good. (See item 2 above about gagging)

B. Go to where the women are. More specifically, go to where the type of woman you’re looking for hang out. For example, if you want a babe that prays a lot, go to a church. If you want a chick who likes to get sloppy drunk and puke all over your shirt, go to bars. If you’re looking for a woman who has running sores all over her body, go to a leper colony.

C. Compliment her. Don’t be negative. Find something you like about her and say something nice about it. Here are some examples:
1. “You smell like my mother.”
2. “For a fat girl, you don’t sweat much.”
3. “Your running sores seem to be clearing up” (See leper colony above)

D. Bring her presents. Find out what she likes and give it to her. If she’s fat, bring her a pie. If she’s bulimic bring her some ipecac. Some women like to collect certain things. Frau Grace, for example, likes to collect little mooses.  Suppose your lady love is into teddy bears. Give her your old teddy bear, if you can bear to part with it.   Suppose she likes teaspoons. Swipe some teaspoons for her. Suppose she collects lint. Let her dig through your belly button.

And good luck.

how to pick up women

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I’m still pretty busy moving…

so I haven’t been able to do any drawing for the past two weeks. But we did have time for dinner with friends. Actually this is getting boozed up before dinner…IMG_5530Umberto is checking out some Argentine vintages…

IMG_5534Evidently La Dulce Vita in Fairfax gives out prizes for the longest cigar ash. This guy also had a terrific shirt…IMG_5535Check out my pretty iris patch at the shack on the bay…IMG_5537One more week of moving and then I hope to get back to work, at least for a week or two before we have to go visit the old folks in Florida.

Speaking about getting boozed up, back in 2004 Sid got into a little bit of trouble with the FBI. There’s 13 strips here for the two weeks in March instead of 12. I didn’t use the seventh in the series. Don’t know why. I probably thought some little old ladies would complain. Believe me, it happens. Na Zdrowie! (Polish for “Let’s get loaded”)Ernie 04-03-15Ernie 04-03-16Ernie 04-03-17Ernie 04-03-18

Ernie 04-03-19Ernie 04-03-20Ernie 04-03-22oErnie 04-03-22pErnie 04-03-23Ernie 04-03-24Ernie 04-03-25

Ernie 04-03-26

Ernie 04-03-27

 

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