Too Much Tequila


 

A while back we had a party at our place in Virginia. One of the gals just sent me some pictures. I often disrobe when I drink tequila.photo 1In my Swedish comic book I often give advice. Here’s an entry from 2011…

SOCIAL ORGANIZATIONS

Last time I gave you single guys out there some hints on how to meet and woo beautiful women. Unfortunately, for many of you who are such pathetic losers, even my carefully researched advice doesn’t work. There are a few among you, even if you had a face like Brad Pitt, a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger (a long time ago), and smelled like a rose bud in May, you couldn’t pick up a hundred dollar bill if it landed in your lap. It’s called Natural Selection. It’s nature’s way of making sure you don’t foul the gene pool. But you shouldn’t despair, because there lots more in life than women. Think about it. All women do once you marry one of them is cook your food, clean the house, make the bed, iron your clothes, wash the dishes, wash the windows, paint the house, slop the hogs, milk the cow, pay the bills, buy your beer, and once every three or four years give you a little wink-wink nudge-nudge. Who needs that? There are lots of interesting social organizations out there which you can join and which can give meaning to your pitiful, banal existence. Here are just a few:

A. The International Frog Club (IFC). The IFC is an organization of frog aficionados. They love everything about frogs: their buggy eyes, how they eat flies with their long sticky tongues, how they feel crawling all over your body when you take your Saturday bath etc. Events include Thursday Night Frog Kissing, the Dress Your Frog Like Michael Jackson, and the ever popular Guess Where I Hid My Frog game.

B. The He-Man Moose Slapping Club (H-MMSC). Members go into the forest and slap mooses.

C. The He-Man Ambulance Club (H-MAC). Most members of the H-MMSC are also members of the H-MAC.

C. The Itchy Men’s Association (IMA). This, as the club’s name implies, is for men who constantly scratch themselves. I’m sure you’ve noticed them. They scratch their heads, their armpits, their backs, their feet, their crotches, no matter where they are or whom they’re with. You’d probably feel right at home in this group. Weekly meetings feature discussions and lectures on such diverse topics as:
How to Sit on Your Haunches and Scratch Your Ear with Your Foot Like a Dog
Scratching at the Dinner Table – Fingernails or Fork?
Is It OK to Take Down Your Pants in Public to Scratch Your butt?

D. The Delphinium Society (DS). Learn the manly art of pressing wild flowers.

E. Sunday Morning Pig Wrestlers (SMPW)*. This is only for the athletic. But strength is not the only prerequisite. It takes lightening reflexes and a keen wit to outsmart and subdue a 300 pound Yorkshire brood sow.

F. The Lutefisk and Yodeling Society (LF&YS). Members come together every other Thursday evening to eat lutefisk and yodel.

G. The Broken Toe World Cup Club (BTWCC). The game is played according to the same rules as regular soccer, except the standard leather ball is replaced with an eighteen pound Brunswick bowling ball.

H. The Monday Morning World Cup Club (MMWCC). Comprised of former members of the BTWCC. Instead of a leather ball they use an over-ripe cassaba melon.

I. The Stationary Bird Watchers Society (SBWS). Instead of going onto the forest to watch wild birds, they go to the supermarket and watch dead chickens.

J. The Fungus Club (FC). Members meet monthly and discuss their fungus infections.

K. The Pyorrhea Club (PC) See entry “J” above.

L. Grandma’s Little Skinheads (GLSH). Members shave their heads, pierce their ears, lips, noses, eyebrows and nipples, file their teeth, and have a chest tattoo that reads “Grandma went to Disney World and all I got was this fucking tattoo”.

*There is a rival organization to the SMPW called Sunday Morning Naked Pig Wrestlers (SMNPW). These people are just a little too weird. Steer clear.


 

I’m declaring this International Man’s best Friend Day. That’s for everybody who loves dogs. I had a wonderful dog named Cleo back in the 70′s. I had another good one named Jet 15 years ago. Here are two dog Sundays from 1991. I didn’t have a computer then, so they are only in black and white.

Ernie 91-07-14Ernie 91-11-24

 

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Midnight Pool Party…

Just before everybody got nekked. Except me, of course.photo 2Maybe not.

Frau Grace’s bday…photo The badge says kiss me, it’s my birthday.

And my stupid boat is finally running. I’ve had it 15 years and it’s only run four. I’ve putn two engines in it. But I think I finally got it right. Here’s a cruise up the Miles River on the Chesapeake…photoWant to hear Buddy Valentine sing Vincent. Probably not…

And here’s the end of the story I started last week. Grandpa and Shorty are trying to bust out of the Cedars of Bayonne Nursing home. (I don’t know why this is underlined. It was doing it last week too. And it’s blue. Go figure.)Ernie 10-09-07Ernie 10-09-06Ernie 10-09-08Ernie 10-09-09Ernie 10-09-10Ernie 10-09-11

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What I Do For Fun

Saturdays Frau Grace and I go to pool parties. This one was hosted by our friends Dyanne Chad-Smith and Ed Jackson. What a great time. Fifties party. Here are a couple shots of me and the Frau…IMG_4452IMG_4446

Frau Grace and some of our friends around the pool…

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Here’s Dyanne with Tom Saputo…

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Later on Frau Grace decided she was a carhop…

IMG_4470And a little dancing with the Twirling Applers.

Back in 2010 Grandpa and Shorty tried once again to bust out of the Cedars of Bayonne Nursing Home. Nurse Heimlich was up to the task. I have another Grandpa and Shorty story ready to publish. I’ll do it in a month or so. Here’s week one…

Ernie 10-08-30Ernie 10-08-31Ernie 10-09-01Ernie 10-09-02I wanted to have the punch line to be “Bend over, it’s time for your enema”, but of course I couldn’t do that.

Ernie 10-09-03Ernie 10-09-04

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How to Humiliate Your Cat

There’s a cat that comes to visit every so often at our house on the Chesapeake. It’s a nice red, real fuzzy cat. I don’t know his name or where he lives. When he comes to visit it’s obvious that he wants to move in. Sometimes he stays under my porch over night. He came by a couple days ago with a new haircut…

Here are three Sundays from January 1994. Back then I was a little freer with my formats. You may be interested to know the formatting Sundays is a pain in the butt. It has to be done in a way so that different newspapers and change the shape and the number panels to fit the space in their newspapers. It’s really bad because I have to add extraneous drawings at the beginning. Back in 1994 I was using different formats to try to make the jokes work better. The dates are 1/9, 1/23 and 1/30. You’ll notice in the January 30 Sunday that I had lots of panels, but they are formatted to fit any format a particular newspaper preferred. Also, back then I drew a title panel for each strip.  I show this in that 1/23 strip. I also drew the boxes. Now I print them so they are more regular. I got my first computer in 1996. That’s why these aren’t colored. I particularly like the Spencer strip.Ernie 94-01-09Ernie 94-01-23Ernie 94-01-30

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Guess Who Dropped By

Rick Kirkman, inimitable cartoonist of Baby Blues fame and an old friend, stopped by the Grace shack on his way overseas today. God knows why the army called him up. He’s 60years old, has flat feet, and never shot a gun in his life. No, Just kidding. He’s on his way over there to entertain our troops. Good for you Rick. Rick and his wife, Sukey, live in Arizona. He has two daughters, one named Taylor and one named Madison. He’s one of these men who name their daughters after dead presidents. I’m one of them too. In the comic strip I named Ernie’s baby Fillmore, after my favorite president. Actually I claim that Rick and I are distant cousins because I had a great great aunt whose name was Kirkman. It isn’t that common a name, so I figure it must be true.

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Now here’s a series of seven Dr. Pork dailies that I drew in 2000…

Ernie 00-08-28 Ernie 00-08-26 Ernie 00-08-29 Ernie 00-08-30 Ernie 00-08-31 Ernie 00-09-01 Ernie 00-09-02

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Don’t trust your family

Back in 1997 my Uncle Al figured he could write and draw comics as well as I. So I gave him a shot at it. These were published. I only lost about a hundred papers.Ernie 97-02-24 Ernie 97-02-25 Ernie 97-02-26 Ernie 97-02-27 Ernie 97-02-28 Ernie 97-03-01

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Pickle Dropped By…

The other day. As always, he was resplendent in his attire.

Pickle

What the heck is THIS?!!! I attract the weirdest bugs…

IMG_4358Back in 2008 Ernie decided to enhance his appearance…

Ernie 08-12-01Ernie 08-12-02Ernie 08-12-03Ernie 08-12-04Ernie 08-12-05Ernie 08-12-06

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It’s DA SHNOZZ!

I’ve always loved humor, and I think my favorite when I was a kid was Jimmy Durante.We had an old 78 record of Jimmy singing “G’wan Home Yer Mudder’s Callin’”. I wore that sucker out playing it over and over. It was long since lost. But a couple years ago Bobby London (Dirty Duck) sent me this.

You can buy a CD collection of Jimmy’s songs. All very funny.

As an aside, when my old man was young he went to California four times and always found work in the movies. He worked for Fatty Arbuckle and  Buster Keaton. When talkies came around, Buster faded from prominence, so the studio teamed him up with a young comedian named Jimmy Durante.

Here’s a clip from Jimmy’s radio show from 1948. Gary Moore is his young sidekick. They teamed up and they were very funny together.

By the way here’s the  url of the new King Features Blog. You can see current strips from 2011 on. I’ve added a link to the blog in my menu bar above.

I guess this is a couple of weeks late, but back in the 96 Olympics Thailand fielded a very competent volley team. The members were all transvestites. Naturally I fielded my own team…Ernie 96-09-02Ernie 96-09-03 Ernie 96-09-04 Ernie 96-09-05 Ernie 96-09-06 Ernie 96-09-07

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OH MY GOD!!!!!!…..

What’s that crawling up my leg?!!!!! IMG_4352

OK, Big news. Here’s the King Features link to their Ernioe/Piranha Club blog: Evidently they have all the daily strips from 2011 on posted.

http://piranhaclubcomics.com/

The foot-long meatloaf:IMG_4324Plums on my plum tree. These little plums are better than any thing you can buy at the supermarket. Tomorrow, because I have so many, I’m going to make PLUM JELLY!!! Yum!!!

IMG_4350And finally (Thank goodness) flies are bad this year. I bought fly paper. But the flies totally ignored it! Turns out that flies are among the most intelligent of all dipteras! But they love stinky stuff so much they stop thinking when they come across a delicious odor. (No, I didn’t poop in the corner. If you thought so, you should seek immediate psychiatric help.) I hanged the fly paper strip over the garbage can! Which proves that I’m smarter than a fly, which, as I said is the MOST INTELLIGENT OF ALL IN THE ORDER DIPTERA!

IMG_4349Ok, here’s a week from 2008…

Ernie 08-06-03Ernie 08-06-05Ernie 08-06-04Ernie 08-06-07Ernie 08-06-02Ernie 08-06-06

 

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The King Features Blog…

Is finally up. Or it will be very soon. It has Ernie/Piranha Club daily strips in chronological order from 2011. King Features does the coloring in house. Tea Fougner at King is the gal who put it all together. I’m going to do a little tweaking on it when I get time, but check it out: piranha.kingfeatures.org. This probably doesn’t work yet, but I’ll straighten out the address and let you know.

I haven’t done much drawing for the past month. The frau and I have been fixing up the shack on the Chesapeake. It was built in 1896, and it looks it. photo 2Today they’re putting in a new counter top. We never had a dishwasher or a disposal before. I have it ready to put together. Here’s the before shot:

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Here’s part two of the story about Earl’s escape:

Ernie 94-02-14 copyErnie 94-02-15 copyErnie 94-02-16 copyErnie 94-02-17 copyErnie 94-02-18 copyErnie 94-02-19 copy

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