Well, not these people. I met these drunks in Annapolis last week. Big fans. They love me. They think that I’m a genius (which I am).
What really makes my eyeballs bug out is UNBRIDLED CAPITALISM! Yes, you heard it here first. And what about unbridled capitalism that wicks me off the most?! Destruction of the environment? Fuhgedabouddit! Exploitation of the workers? Give me a break! What really gets my blood churning is PACKAGING! Remember when coffee came in one pound cans? Try to find sixteen ounces today. No way Hozay! Now maybe you get twelve ounces. Or even TEN ounces in a package. Why the hell can’t they just RAISE THE PRICE?!!! No, and the reason why is that people are so stupid they DON’T KNOW THEY’RE GETTING LESS FOR THE SAME PRICE OR HIGHER! Check this. I love Salsa Brava. I used to buy a twelve ounce bottle for $2.09. Hormel took over and now it comes in an EIGHT OUNCE BOTTLE FOR (get this) $3.39!Here’s an old 12 oz bottle I found way back in my cupboard:
Here’s the new 8 oz one in the store. I didn’t buy it, and I won’t anymore.
I love the stuff. I’ve even bought cases online when my local market didn’t carry it. Well, those days are OVER!
But the WORST! the ABSOLUTE WORST is this:
The old Charmin was 11.5 cm wide! The new Charmin is 10.3 cm wide!!! And it’s not just because the CEO is making ten or twenty million bucks a year more, the worst part of the whole thing is what happens in the privacy of your own bathroom. I can’t stand it. But, as we all know, America is home to the biggest proportion of wide-butts on the face of the planet! OK, I can handle it with my skinny backside, but what about the WALKING BELUGAS?! I care about my fellow human beings! Who wants to walk around with a stinky butt just because the board of directors of the toilet paper company want a big raise?! It’s just not right!